Nuggets of Wisdom

I’ve learnt a lot in the past few weeks – nuggets of wisdom that I shall treasure for the rest of my life. Or forgotten in the next two days, as I desperately cram two years’ worth of work into a matter of weeks.

If something bad will happen, it will do so in a Computer Science lesson

Taking Computer Science is one of the greatest regrets of my entire bloody life. I could have sailed through Business Studies, or Geography, or any other subject that didn’t require me to program, or explain the difference between MAC and IP addressing, or what the actual hell a CPU does. Not fun. Everything that can go wrong, does. It was during an IT lesson that I found out that Jenny Diski passed away, provoking a strangulated cry and a hasty ‘ohmygod no what’. It was during yesterday’s IT lesson that I sneakily attempted to buy tickets for Richard III at the Almeida, only that their servers couldn’t cope with the demand. It was during today’s lesson that I found out that EVERY SINGLE advance ticket for Richard III was sold out. The moral of the story is, kids, that Computer Science is the way evil manifests itself in schools. Avoid it like the plague, and take Geography.

It takes a matter of minutes for an Asian to tan.

Minutes! Half an hour of lounging in the sun, and I’m covered in tan lines. Watch tan line, sunglasses tan line, tan line where I accidentally left a book, very large rash because hayfever and grass is a toxic combination. As much as I love the sun, I was not impressed.

EYELASH CURLERS HURT WHEN THE EYELID IS TRAPPED UNDERNEATH THEM

I found some eyelash curlers in my room, and because I had nowt much better to do, I used them. I am a make up and beauty novice. I wouldn’t know an eye shadow brush from an all-over face brush if it rammed me in the eye. Talking of eyes, I’m never going near an eyelash curler again. You’ve never learnt true pain unless you’ve accidentally attempted to curl  the skin of your own eyelid.

The announcement that you have pet shrimp to your entire Spanish class causes more amusement/confusion than expected

I’m an aquarium hobbyist, okay. And another lesson: naming pets/children after characters on a random page of a random book is not advisable. This is why I ended up with a Siamese fighter called Siegfried (Sassoon), shrimp called Clytemnestra and Agamemnon, and some neons collectively called the Choephori. If I use this technique to name any future children, I apologise in advance.

There we go. Two days until exams, and I’m wrenching my eyelids open for the sake of vanity. And a childlike ‘ooh what does this shiny object do’.

 

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