Happy birthday, Olivia Hope. I know your full name, you know mine. You know that I’m a ‘book nerd’, ‘pretentious git’ and will sell my soul (and yours) for food. On the upside, I know that you enjoy flashing your breasts everywhere, loved pepperoni pizza before you turned down the dark path of vegetarianism, and secretly loves the fact that I have more photos of you than you do.
Ten years of friendship is a pretty big milestone, but not a lot has changed, apart from your height. I’ve still got a dubious fashion sense, and you are still the bossiest, most terrifying person I know. I would have made a video, but I’m saving that one for your wedding. And if you don’t get married, you can be my sugar daddy.
I love you. You are my best friend, my littlest shit, and have been part of the Dignum family for so long that the parents still call you ‘little Ollie’, despite the fact that a) nobody calls you Ollie now (and they didn’t in the first place) and b) you’re not as little as you were.
I’m so proud of you. So, so, proud. You know why. I’ve followed you from one end of this county to the other. I like to think that I’m the only friend that’s stuck with you through six schools, six houses and three counties, and decided to write an entire blog post about how much I love you. This has nothing on your birthday present though…
To my other readers: I really, really hope that you guys have a friend like this. Someone who. although you may not necessarily talk often, will always be there to talk to. Someone who you’re prepared to cross countries to see. Someone whose first child you’ll be the godparent of (note to Livi, if you don’t let me name one of your future children, you’ll regret it. And if you do let me, they’ll regret it anyway. ). And if you don’t have someone like that now, then you will do. There will be someone, out there on this planet, in the same situation as you. Like me! Give me a bell and I’ll answer; just check out my details on my ‘contact’ page.
So happy birthday Livi. Have a fab day revising for further maths, and bear in mind that although you can legally get married now, we’d still need a year of couples’ counselling before you – I – we can make a decision . You, your future partner, and me. Want to take bets on who goes crazy first?
x x x