For Crying Out Loud, Start Othello

There are very few steps in mastering the art of reading Othello. Even a semi-moron such as yourself should, theoretically, be able to do it. First, you summon the motivation and energy to place your hands on the book and open it, lock yourself in a darkened room, and refuse to emerge until the damned thing’s finished. Then all you can do is pray that the gods will be merciful. Not that hard, really?

Seriously, Othello‘s caused enough trouble, and you haven’t even bothered to open it. See, if you hadn’t been using it as a stand for a water bottle and half-eaten chocolate bar – and had been reading it instead – you wouldn’t have tripped on it, dived head-first onto the sofa and twisted your ankle. That’s karma for abandoning Shakespeare. He’s reaching down from the heavens even now, poking you with a large stick and probably ruining your English Lit grade. KARMA.

Honestly, what else productive have you done – or will do? Sure, you’re able to recite the entire Atreus family tree backwards, and are fully equipped to give a lecture on the character development of Electra, but that’s not going to help when the exam’s on Othello, for crying out loud. Jesus, everyone else has probably read it now, memorised the Sparknotes on it, and learnt fifteen key quotes, and all you’ve done is learn the lyrics to Hamilton and American Psycho.

You don’t have the faintest idea of who Desdemona and Iago are (apart from the fact that someone mimicked Desdemona’s death in an episode of Endeavour), and I don’t think that you want to. Awesome! Wow! Having ‘I can copy Matt Smith’s American accent perfectly’ is going to look great on your UCAS application!

So, get your rear into gear. There’s now just under a month until school starts, you haven’t done any work (bar reading some books that you were going to read anyway), and if this trend continues, your entire miserable life will resemble a Greek tragedy. Congratulations.

END NOTE: Two hours after writing this post, I was still writing an in-depth analysis of Electra’s emotional development, as well as writing COMPLETELY UN-BLOODY-NECESSARY notes about her relationship with her mother and brother. So much for motivation.


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